Self Deprecation is a Bitch

There is a fine line between productive self criticism and obsessive self criticism. I think I crossed it long ago. I can name 50 negatives about myself to the 1 positive. If someone were to say to me, "Hey Leah, what is really great about you?" My response would be something like "well nothing is really 'great' per say, but I'm an alright mother and I can sing ok BUT......" follow list of negatives. This attitude toward myself is a big barrier to success in any area of life. And again, I don't want to raise my daughters to believe that it is normal or healthy to be so hard on yourself. Upon further reflection about why I quit singing, there is the glaringly obvious reason that deep down I have felt that no one would want to listen. If I had a bad day singing or got the smallest bit of criticism then all of a sudden I was delusional to think that I could ever really be a singer. This trait of mine carries over into all aspects of life. Even in nursing I am greatly hindered by the thoughts in my head that say, "you will never be as good of a nurse as------ because you are not that (insert adjective.)" Anyway, I feel that addressing these issues is just as important as practice, if not more important. You have to be able to see through the rain to see the rainbow, right? 


So on another subject, I have been looking at craigslist musician adds. My original thought was that I would respond to anything that seemed halfway promising. I think I may have to revise that plan. Most adds are looking for a singer for their cover band, which is fine. However, when I go to respond to these adds I am stopped by the image of me singing Proud Mary on Bourbon with a bunch of sixty year old men(nothing against 60 year olds.)I don't know, I guess it couldn't hurt to at least explore some of these posts. After all, beggars can't be choosers... rollin, rollin, rollin down the river....