I am starting this blog in a creative attempt to follow through with a "dream",for lack of better word, that I simply cannot force from my consciousness. I have learned throughout my adulthood how to accomplish a "goal", but a "dream" is entirely different. A "dream" implies that something is too good to be true and therefore illogical to attempt, to me anyway. The problem with this "dream" is that it will not go away. It has been with me since I can remember. I have tried and tried to ignore/deny/procrastinate/nay say this damn thing into a lock box in my mind for years with no sustained luck. So here I am.
The particular "dream" that I am writing about is to get back into singing, preferably making a little money while doing it. Most people who have only known me the past 5 years or so don't even know that singing used to be a large part of who I was. I have been singing since childhood. However, there was a series of events(partying, self exploration, boys, work, babys, etc...) that lead to me giving up this passion. At the heart of this abandonment is a big fat fear of failure, and a feeling of not worthiness that is really the root of the problem. It's been easier to say, "well I coulda..., but I didn't really try." The thing is I don't want to tell my daughters when they are older that I don't sing anymore because I never really tried. I want to set an example that the outcome is not the important thing. I am learning that there are worse things than failure. The fear of living with regret is far greater.
The purpose of this blog is to help hold me accountable for following through with this "dream". I don't have a specific vision or way of getting there yet, but I am going to use this blog to document my trying. I don't anticipate most entries being as serious as this first one because this is not a goal to achieve, but rather an experiment to see if I can really be a wife, mom, nurse, AND singer, hence the name of the blog. I will end on this note. When I first decided to go into nursing I heard several times, "So what about singing(I was a music major and originally moved to New Orleans to sing)? Are you going to be a singing nurse?" To which I replied, "Why Not?"
The particular "dream" that I am writing about is to get back into singing, preferably making a little money while doing it. Most people who have only known me the past 5 years or so don't even know that singing used to be a large part of who I was. I have been singing since childhood. However, there was a series of events(partying, self exploration, boys, work, babys, etc...) that lead to me giving up this passion. At the heart of this abandonment is a big fat fear of failure, and a feeling of not worthiness that is really the root of the problem. It's been easier to say, "well I coulda..., but I didn't really try." The thing is I don't want to tell my daughters when they are older that I don't sing anymore because I never really tried. I want to set an example that the outcome is not the important thing. I am learning that there are worse things than failure. The fear of living with regret is far greater.
The purpose of this blog is to help hold me accountable for following through with this "dream". I don't have a specific vision or way of getting there yet, but I am going to use this blog to document my trying. I don't anticipate most entries being as serious as this first one because this is not a goal to achieve, but rather an experiment to see if I can really be a wife, mom, nurse, AND singer, hence the name of the blog. I will end on this note. When I first decided to go into nursing I heard several times, "So what about singing(I was a music major and originally moved to New Orleans to sing)? Are you going to be a singing nurse?" To which I replied, "Why Not?"
I remember you as a singer! Specifically choir and all-school Mass at Holy Souls. I'm so happy for you... finding your voice again! I'm excited to follow you on this journey. xo.
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