Jeff Buckley Makes Me Cry

I have not listened to Jeff Buckley for quite sometime, years really.  Not for any reason in particular, it is just one of those things. I randomly got a hair up my ass to listen him, so I you tubed some videos. Holy shit, I forgot how amazing. It also brought back so many memories of a particular time in my life when everything seemed so wide open. Every day was a chance at a new adventure. I can remember when(I know this sounds cheesy)the world literally seemed brighter, and smells were stronger, flavors richer, etc... 


Jeff Buckley's music is filled with so much raw, real emotion that I guess it was the perfect catalyst to bring me back to that space in time. I met my husband during that time. It's funny how fast things can become common place. I still love my husband, even more than I did then. But, it's so easy to take things for granted. I would relish in the simple smell of him, or that look he would give me that convayed he was seeing things the same way as me. Nothing has changed in that department, but our appreciation of how rare it is to find each other has diminished. I distinctly remember vowing to each other that those people would never be us. We would never forget the trees, relishing the simple beauty of things around us, life. 


Those people are distant memories. It's the way things go, it seems. We are still very much in love, but we see the world in the way that responsible adults often find themselves viewing it. I am probably more bitter about it than most because I so staunchly believed that I would be able to maintain my naive view of the world. To quote one of my favorite movies, "I was a 'real' phony." I actually believed all those phony things. What is funny, is I have actually kept a lot more of those aspects of myself than most people my age with my life circumstances. A girl at work just told me, "You have a lot of big goals, huh?" Well I never thought of it like that, but I guess I do if you compare me to the majority of the world.It's not that I want to be better than everyone else, I just want the freedom to be me without fear of failure. People will judge me, I know, I just don't want to care or let that stop me from being me. 


I hope that I will find my way back to a similar mindset as I had back then, but with a better sense of myself and the world around me. To quote Buckley, "Oh, that was so real."

Hello Vodka, It's me, Leah

I am sitting in my living room, drinking a dirty martini, and feeling rather proud of myself right now. For the first time, in a long time, I feel as if I'm moving in the right direction. I am actually making REAL plans to start singing! I have learned to look at things with guarded optimism, and nothing is a sure thing right now, but I have a good feeling. Only time will tell... I'm planing on writing a more detailed post about everything at a later date, and hope to have a decent quality, i.e. not my iPhone, recording to put up soon too.  


Changing the subject, the hubs and I just went on our first vacay alone in FIVE years. I know, totally unacceptable, but when you have two kids under four... shit happens. It was so nice to remember what it felt like to be a young couple rather than just these two people trying to get through life and parenthood 
together. The importance of vacation should never be underestimated. 


I'm going to end this post with one of my favorite quotes, and seems to be especially apt right now. "The thing about life is that one day you'll be dead."