Yesterday was the worst day I've had in a very long time. Several unfortunate events all collided into one crap of a day. Then the meltdown happened. I cried the ENTIRE day. I could barely take care of the girls. My eyes were so swollen this morning it looked like I got in a boxing match.
I won't go into all the gory details, but will say that I came face to face with a "one of my worst fears" situation. It was like one of those dreams where you go to a party, your laughing, having fun, and all of a sudden you notice people snickering behind your back while giving you the crazy eye. Then it hits you that you failed to put on anything more than your underpants before arriving to the bash. Purely, humiliating. It caused me to question everything about myself, and forced me to examine several issues that I have been trying to avoid. Most of all, it made me realize that I truly am my own worst enemy. I have forgotten how to live, to be, to let my light shine, so to speak. I am not sure when this happened. I guess it's been a slow progression. The truth is, I have not felt like "myself" in a long time. It's a difficult realization to accept.
I woke up this morning with a quiet determination to face myself, and let this be a catalyst for growth.
I decided that I needed to put things into perspective. I began to write down a few key words to inspire me . I came up with my Seven Commandments. I am starting with seven because it still leaves room to add more later if necessary... I mean, "Eleven" or "Twelve" Commandments just doesn't have the same effect. Anywho, I came up with this:
1. Be Present
2. Accept
3. Listen
4. Choose
5. Love
6. Forgive
7. Be Grateful
I jotted this down on my arm so that I could glance at it when the anxiety and negativity started to arise, which was most of the day. I was surprised to find that it helped almost immediately. I began to notice the beauty in things that I have been oblivious to recently. I started to become more aware that the truly important things in my life have been taking a back seat to my neurotic self doubt and pity.
I don't want to be that person. I want to be strong, compassionate, and most of all, I want to be someone who makes others days and lives better.
Aw. I totally wanted to see your cheesy video. I'm sure it was wonderful.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, your post is inspiring. I've been there with the whole anxiety/negativity thing and it's rough. But I like your 7 commandments and I definitely like the fact that you're not going to let things get the best of you. Hope today is better for you, girl. :)
Thanks you:) I really tried to go through with the song, but it was just a little much... Similar to how you feel about the ballad thing, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the support, and I love keeping up with your "sitcom."
Just listened to your previous videos - amazing! Can't wait to see what's in store next. Hugs. xo
ReplyDeleteHi, my name's Adam. I've been trying to contact you to see if you were interested in a little side project I have. You have a beautiful voice and I thought it would sound great with my music. You can check it out at www.bandmix.com/altourniquet. If you're interested, you can email me at acdoarmb@aol.com
ReplyDeleteIf not, happy hunting and be well
Just remember, music is therapy