There is Beauty in a Breakdown

Yesterday was the worst day I've had in a very long time. Several unfortunate events all collided into one crap of a day. Then the meltdown happened. I cried the ENTIRE day. I could barely take care of the girls. My eyes were so swollen this morning it looked like I got in a boxing match.


 I won't go into all the gory details, but will say that I came face to face with a "one of my worst fears" situation.  It was like one of those dreams where you go to a party, your laughing, having fun, and all of a sudden you notice people snickering behind your back while giving you the crazy eye. Then it hits you that you failed to put on anything more than your underpants before arriving to the bash. Purely, humiliating. It caused me to question everything about myself, and forced me to examine several issues that I have been trying to avoid. Most of all, it made me realize that I truly am my own worst enemy. I have forgotten how to live, to be, to let my light shine, so to speak. I am not sure when this happened. I guess it's been a slow progression. The truth is, I have not felt like "myself" in a long time. It's a difficult realization to accept.


I woke up this morning with a quiet determination to face myself, and let this be a catalyst for growth.
I decided that I needed to put things into perspective. I began to write down a few key words to inspire me . I came up with my Seven Commandments. I am starting with seven because it still leaves room to add more later if necessary... I mean, "Eleven" or "Twelve" Commandments just doesn't have the same effect. Anywho, I came up with this:
1. Be Present
2. Accept
3. Listen
4. Choose
5. Love
6. Forgive
7. Be Grateful 


I jotted this down on my arm so that I could glance at it when the anxiety and negativity started to arise, which was most of the day. I was surprised to find that it helped almost immediately. I began to notice the beauty in things that I have been oblivious to recently. I started to become more aware that the truly important things in my life have been taking a back seat to my neurotic self doubt and pity.


I don't want to be that person. I want to be strong, compassionate, and most of all, I want to be someone who makes others days and lives better.

The plan... for now.

It's time to get a little more organized. I think I've been having trouble getting anything accomplished with music because I don't really have a "vision." I have fantasies about singing, but no real plan of action. It's time to get real and look at the facts. One is glaringly obvious, and that is we need more money. The most logical way to make more money by singing is to market myself as a wedding singer. Of course, I am referring to the wedding ceremony. I already know all of the standards, and it is a way to make a little extra money without having to pay a sitter to watch the girls because most ceremonies only last about an hour. And there is also the practice time, but even this is minimal. 


As for the plan... this is where it gets a little tricky. First, I need to record at least a couple of songs to be able to market myself. Ummkay, I don't have the equipment to do this myself so I need to figure out who I know(if anyone) that does. Then, I have to figure out the best way to advertise myself. This will just require a bit of research on my part. Then I'll be at least utilizing my voice, making a bit of cash, and can still pursue other avenues of music making. 


Simple, right? 

Singing French is Fun!

No, I have not given up my blog or singing, I've been busy... with my garden. Seriously though, there is like two months in New Orleans were it is tolerable to be outside and I have a large yard soooo you see my predicament. Anywho, it is a rainy day so I thought I'd do a bit of blogging during the kid's nap time. 


So I have good news! I may have my first singing job! Yay!(I realize that was a lot of exclamation points, but I'm really excited)! My husband works with a girl who needs a wedding singer and so he recommended me. I mean, what do people charge for singing in weddings? I have always sung for free. 


I am even more proud of myself because I have managed to clean the house, video record a song, and post a blog all in the same day, AND there is time left over for some "me time" tonight. 


So about the video, I decided to do La Vie en Rose because I love the song and have always wanted to learn it. The video is not the whole song, but it's the best I could do under the time constraints. I decided to show myself singing this time, and I already regret it. My hair is all F'ed up, and I can't even look at the camera because I'm reading the lyrics. But whatever, here it is...

And the break continues...

My voice is shot. Mardi Gras + Cold = Man Voice. However, I have chosen my next song to learn, but I'm not spilling the beans yet. I will just say that it's going to be a doozy because it's in a different language.
Until next time...

Mardi Gras Madness

Well folks, its that time of year again. I adore Mardi Gras and because of this fact I will not be practicing or blogger for the next couple of weeks. Instead, I will be drinking/parading/dancing/laughing with a little bit of work thrown in there too. 


Happy Mardi Gras and Le bon Temp Roule! 

Are you hardcore enough?

I'm in one of those, "screw it, it's too hard, and you should just save yourself any further embarrassment" kinda moods. It's probably because of my lack of sleep from the night shift so I'm trying to ignore it... we'll see. 


I'm sitting here listening to Cut Copy instead of the music I'm supposed to be spending the kid's nap time practicing. I wish that I could just be a lead singer of a rock and roll band. Yes, I just said rock and roll band. I mean, this is the music that I mostly listen to so it's only natural, right? The only problem is I don't play an instrument and this dream would require me putting a band together... not going to happen. And I have another issue. 


I think I may be getting more of a thirty-something mentality rather than a twenty-something, and I'm just not that cool anymore. I look back at my early twenties and think, "Wow, did I really do that?" which is a sure fire sign that your just not that cool anymore. I used to actually live a credible rock and roll lifestyle. Now, I'm a disneyfied version of my old self... that still likes to drink. Also, I find myself becoming increasingly annoyed with these "hipsters." I'm not really sure if I was ever an actual hipster, but one of the main reasons I think that I may have been is my staunch denial of ever being one, total hipster reaction. BUT, I was not obsessed with being so fucking cool like a lot of these hipsters I encounter. This I know! I digress, the point is I would love to adorn myself in my coolest garb and wail into the microphone as a shake my hair in my face, but that ship has sailed. All in all, I think I'm ok with that. 


Here is a video of one of my favorite local rock groups that is, along with my more hardcore self, no longer. It brings me back to the good old days...huh...

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...

Ah, Valentines Day... sike!(Do people still say that?My guess is no.) I promise not to write anything about love on this February 14th. No, today the subject is time. As in, where in the fuck does it go? 

One of my biggest challenges with this new endeavor is that I'm a working mother of two little girls(a three year old and three month old) and my husband, who is also a nurse, has to work an opposite schedule for child care reasons. After all responsibilities have been addressed, there is about 0.5 seconds left in the day to devote to music and blogging about music. The reality is that priorities have to change, and I have to accept that sometimes I can't get it all done. 

So on that note, I am making this post short and sweet. I managed to sneak in about 15 minutes yesterday to record a song. Although I promised not to WRITE anything about love, I didn't say anything about SINGING!

Sorry, I couldn't resist...